Meet the Psychos
by detrametal
Summary: Meet the Psycho pirates...well Monet did. After Punk Hazard she finds herself mysteriously resurrected on board their ship with the only explanation being that Law told the captain she had a piece of information he had been searching for. For the moment she's a guest of Jewelry Bonney, two transvestites, a crocodile gentleman and the captain who looks like he still belongs in jail.


Monet was dead. She was sure of it. The knife had pierced her heart. Then why did she hear footsteps?

* * *

The next thing she heard was "Captain…are you sure?"

The captain she guessed sighed "I said we'd take her. It was the plan and she's got the information that's the payment."

Another person with a very sassy voice laughed loudly "Are you sure she _isn't_ the payment?!"

Captain groaned "Everyone on the ship. I don't even care anymore…let's just get out of here." and hands picked her up and she was unceremoniously thrown over a shoulder and carried away before she blacked out again.

* * *

She woke again to see only black for a moment "Don't move." said the captain "You were abandoned by Joker. Who's now dead."

She shot up "LIES!" and gasped and fell back onto the bed as pain spiked in her chest.

"Forgot to mention I wouldn't move if I were you. I had to make you a heart. Be thankful if it wasn't for a certain piece of info I would have left you there." she didn't get a look at him as he walked out of the room and another person entered.

The new person was a woman who grumbled "That man, all the tact of a hammer…sorry 'bout him. He means well but is weirder than a Marley album after a pound of weed."

Monet's breath came out in harsh gasps but she managed to choke out "You're Jewelry Bonney."

Bonney was dressed in a long black coat that came down to the tip of her boots with two sets of three buttons a piece on either side of her chest, her hat was firmly placed on her head "Yeah. Capt'n got me out of jail about six months ago."

The former harpy stared at her hands "What happened to me?"

From somewhere in the vast expanse of her pockets Bonney pulled out a roasted chicken leg and took a bite "Well, after you got stabbed we showed up, it sucked to sneak by all those marines…anyways, we get a call from Law of all people sayin' something to the boss and we rush in and grab you and he made you a heart and your arms and legs were already like this. You've been out for a week and your boss got killed, the Strawhats picked a fight with Big Mam and currently we're sailing to Zou where we're going to meet up with Law. That's all I know."

A crocodile man walked in, literally he was a crocodile standing on two legs and walking around and talking like a person. "Bonney, the Boss is asking you to come to the front." the crocodile was wearing an immaculate three piece suit and drinking out of a champagne flute. He perked up a bit "Ah! Our guest is awake!" the big eater slipped out as the reptile man continued to speak.

Grabbing her now human hands Monet asked "W-who are you?" her fear was understandable as from snout to tail the man was nearly twelve feet tall, making him stand at nearly six feet.

He put an arm low across his belly and bowed "Forgive me, my name is Matthew Arozza Xennus III, you may call me Max."

"M-Monet…" giving her name to a crocodile wasn't normal but rising from the dead wasn't either.

His smile was oddly comforting "I am well aware of you who are and I suppose you wish to know who we are?" she nodded and he continued. "Very well. We are the Psycho Pirates." from his breast pocket he pulled out a snow white handkerchief with their jolly roger-a skull (the basis of every pirate flag. Ever.) the smile was pulled up higher than usual giving a manic appearance that was helped by swirls for eyes and pointed at the skull were two hands making a pistol form .

She stared at it for a moment "Why 'Psycho'?"

Max sighed "That would be a question very easily answered by our Captain" a loud bang and curse echoed through the cabin "who would seem to be in a bit of a quandary…" holding out a hand to Monet he said comfortingly "Shall we go see?"

Shakily she took the scaly hand but stood tall and noticed she was in a long blue dress that went all the way down to mid calf, beside the bed was a simple pair of sandals and hanging on the end was a jacket much like Bonney's "Please put them on Monet" he said gesturing to the shoes "this ship is broken down and there are many boards that can hurt you."

Sliding them on she asked "Why is the ship in such a bad shape then?"

Max steadied her as they made their way to the door "Miss, you have to understand that we have not taken this vessel by choice. All of us on this ship were…stolen if you will." the crocodile chuckled earnestly "We were prisoners within a Marine base, the captain escaped and tore open all the cells. We chose to follow him. This ship is actually an old Marine vessel that was brought in for repairs. It happened to be the one we stole." he had to almost throw himself against the door to get it to open "We've done what we can but I fear this ship is far too worn. But I will miss it so, it was the one to carry us away from those bars…"

The door opened to the beautiful scene of the sea, the sun shown brightly and not a cloud was in the sky, the blue water barely seemed to lap at the ship as the wind carried them across the ocean. The air was a bit chilly and she looked to see Bonney leaning against the railing while two people sat in a lounge chair beside her snuggled together.

Max cleared his throat catching the trio's attention before turning to their guest "If you'd be so kind as to excuse me I must tend to the navigations." he bowed and smiled toothily…as if a crocodile could do it any other way, before walking up the stairs to the wheel.

Bonney nodded to their guest before following the navigator up leaving Monet with the couple. The woman stood up, a beautiful blond with artic blue eyes but a warm smile who's shoulder length hair framed her smile perfectly. Looking closer the woman had a smaller bust and less flare to her hips, only observable by her clothes- calf high boots, tight jeans and a very tight fitting jacket that exposed a few inches of her stomach to the world, or in this case the white of her undershirt.

The man had the physique like a librarian, manly but thin. He wore looser jeans and a black shirt, his black leather jacket was open and it blended wonderfully with his short cropped hair and dark eyes. He stepped forward and extended a hand "Name's Stephanie." she shook it mechanically wondering if he was just pulling her leg.

The woman curtsied "I'm Butch, delighted to meet you." Both of them looked at Monet's frozen face for a moment before laughing.

Bonney called up from the wheel platform "Don't tease her you dorks!"

Butch sighed "Aww, come on Bonney! We can't play around like this, like, ever!"

Max spoke up "Please be polite to our guest, no matter how brief her stay."

Stephanie puffed his cheeks out "Fine." he turned to the stunned snow woman "We were born the wrong genders. Captain still took us in, and don't complain. Ain't much more we can ask for." upon examining him closer she could see faint lumps where his breast were mostly likely bound.

"Uh…sure?" she replied in confusion before asking "Am I ever going to meet this captain of yours? He seems to be either ignoring me or slipping out of places right as I get to them."

Giggling Butch said "You'll see him soon enough."

Shrugging seemed like the best response before Monet left the two to their cuddling and ascended to where Max slowly changed the route of their ship. Before him was something that made her gasp, a bank full of eternal log poses that were in a protective case of wood and glass. Catching her face the navigator chuckled "The perks of stealing a New World Marine ship."

Taking a moment she looked at the odd duo in front of her "What happened while I was dead?"

Max looked at the other woman who sighed "Alright, I'll tell her. So after you got stabbed the Strawhats and Law kidnapped Caeser and took him to Dressrosa where they somehow got into a fight with Doflamingo and they kicked his ass, the country went to the old king and your boss was getting brought back to Marine HQ when somebody killed him. That's all I know."

Sighing Monet asked "Did you hear anything about Sugar?"

Bonney was gnawing on a pizza slice "Captured but alive, don't worry, she's too important to execute. She knows a lot about Doflamingo's operation and partners."

"So what's the information Law told you I had?" she asked looking around for who she hadn't met, someone she would assume to be the captain.

"No idea." the eater said finishing off her last bite before slowly meandering around the upper deck "And to be honest I think you'd be better off asking him." she said pointing to Max.

Max, not even looking his shoulder, shook his head "Oh no. Do not pin anything on my Jewelry Bonney! I'm just the navigator, yes I'm the captains…shall we say coconspirator but only because I'm the only male on the ship who wishes to remain as such."

Monet couldn't help but snicker at the odd banter.

* * *

Deep inside the ship the captain laid out a long piece of cloth and slid dozens of needles into it before rolling it up and letting out a cry of "BUTCH! STEPHANIE!" the patter of feet were all the acknowledgement he needed before he continued looking into the lens of his microscope.

The door swung open "You called?" Butch asked.

Head still down he waved a hand at the bundle "Therapy for the month, soon this is going to get out of my expertise…not like it ever was."

Stephanie walked over "Thanks…and Monet is up."

Sighing the captain stood "Well, I better introduce myself." glancing around again he asked "What do you guys want for dinner? What am I asking you for, if anyone it needs to be our guest."

Steph shrugged "Well, Max seems to like her enough not to try to eat her."

Looking impressed the captain said with a bit of shock "Well that's good. I just hope it stays that way."

Pulling on his effects the captain left as the duo took their medicine back to their cabin. He heard a voice scream from some distance and an evil smile lit his face.

* * *

"Prepare for a fight." called a voice from right behind Monet's shoulder and she nearly jumped out of her skin. Whipping around she got her first look at the captain…and almost wished she didn't. he was a bit taller than her with muscle mass to match, but it wasn't his body that scared her. It was his face. The tiniest bit of stubble sat around his chin, blacker than night, same as his hair which sat in a long ponytail. Around his right eye, in a near perfect circle was a scar half as wide as her pinky, his eyes were storm gray, the right a normal one but his left was completely grayed out, almost like he was blind but for some reason the color unnerved her.

Managing to tear her eyes away she noted the rest of him, and he looked every bit the survivalist pirate that the rest of his crew _wasn't._ Black and hypnotic swirls of a deep malignant purple seemed to be his theme and it was mirrored across everything, his boots, his pants, his jacket…with was rather odd in her opinion-it was sleeveless but trailed all the way down to his knees, it was split into two tails in the back and two in the front where a blood red line traced from the dip in his collar all the way down.

He met her stare for a moment before he looked to his crew, now assembled beside him "It's the marines." they grinned and their blood thirst filled the air "Now shall we remind them what we can do?"


End file.
